Exerpts from a review of Sarah Palin's Christmas Book - By Dan Savage
OK... so I am taking no credit for writing this piece, and all quotes will be represented as such. If it is in "Quotes", then Dan Savage wrote it in his piece. If it is in 'single quotes' then that asshat of a woman Sarah Palin wrote it! From "Good Grief and Great Tits!" by Dan Savage. (http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/good-grief-and-great-tits/Content?oid=18503580)
Parts that made me laugh!
"All this for me—and I wasn't even that good. Translate that into Latin and it could be on the Palin family's coat of arms."
"Here I learn something I didn't know and, if I were Sarah Palin, something I wouldn't want anyone to know. But Sarah hustles this fact to the front of the book because she sure as hell wants us to know it: Sarah surprised Todd with a 'nice, needed, powerful gun' for Christmas in 2012. It was a 'small act of civil disobedience,' Palin writes, prompted by 'the anti-gun chatter coming from Washington.'"
"What was inspiring that anti-gun chatter in Washington in December of 2012? Oh, right: Twenty children and six teachers were shot dead in their classrooms by a deranged asshole with a 'powerful gun.' And before the grieving mothers and fathers of Newtown, Connecticut, could put their dead children in the ground, Sarah Palin ran out gun shopping. Buying Todd a gun in the wake of the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary was 'fun,' Palin writes—and, again, an act of 'civil disobedience.' Because gun nuts are a persecuted minority."
"This paragraph about gun shopping in December of 2012—one first grader at Sandy Hook was shot 11 times—ends with Palin bragging about her tits. I'm not kidding."
"Okay, I have to put the book down. I'm five pages into Good Tidings and Great Joyand... Jesus Fucking Christ... I have got to put down this toxic little shitstain of a book. I'm going to go wash my eyes out with hydrogen peroxide. Be right back."
"There are lots of Americans out there whose religious holidays aren't also national holidays. The country doesn't shut down—and public spaces aren't turned into temples—on Yom Kippur or Diwali or Naw-Ruz. Now, either Jews, Hindus, and Zoroastrians are made of stronger stuff than Sarah Palin... or Sarah Palin is a shit-talking pimp who makes money playing to the carefully cultivated persecution complexes of conservative Christian rubes who wouldn't know what religious persecution was if it sat on their faces and shit in their mouths. (Maybe that's not an either/or.)"
"If centuries of persecution didn't ruin blowjobs for gay people, Sarah, "happy holidays" isn't going to destroy anyone's Christmas."
"Two things:
1. Who holds Christmas in contempt? Who? Where are these people? I'm a secular humanist—there's an award from the Freedom from Religion Foundation on my mantel just inches from my Christmas tree—and here I am, at home on a Saturday morning, baking Christmas cookies for my family. Not holiday cookies. Christmas cookies. I'll be taking some across the street to share with my Jewish neighbors later today. They love Christmas. And no one is trying to "save" Christmas from its heritage. We have a crèche for the baby Jesus and strings of lights for the Roman god Saturn. We honor Christmas's religious heritage—the Christian and non-Christian bits.
2. You read it here first: No Jew—or Muslim or Hindu or Buddhist or atheist—ever performed a kind, loving, or selfless act. Or if a Jew ever did such a thing, that Jew was "empowered" to do so by Christ. Unwittingly inspired. And no human being ever performed a kind, loving, or selfless act before Christ was born."
"Sarah Palin and Bill O'Reilly and Fox News and the Family Research Council and the woman who allegedly punched another woman outside Walmart earlier this week for saying "happy holidays" instead of "merry Christmas" managed to break me of the "merry Christmas" habit. I suspect I'm not alone. This constant bitching from the right about "happy holidays"—a perfectly lovely expression that embraces Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, Pancha Ganapati, New Year's Eve, New Year's Day, Hanukkah, the Epiphany, Saint Nicholas's Day, Hogmanay, Twelfth Night, and Kwanzaa—has made one thing clear. Not that there is now, or ever was, a war on Christmas. But that saying "merry Christmas" is an asshole move. Just as conservatives made patriotism toxic during the Vietnam War by conflating it with blind obedience to authority ("My country, right or wrong!"), modern conservatives have made "merry Christmas" toxic by associating it with Christian fundamentalism, religious intolerance, and the politics of imagined persecution."
Unfortunately, the war on Christmas is a game Palin and O'Reilly and Fox News and the Family Research Council can't lose. The more they complain about people saying "happy holidays" instead of "merry Christmas," the fewer people will say "merry Christmas." This will be held up as proof that the war on Christmas is real. But people like me aren't replacing "merry Christmas" with "happy holidays" to be "politically correct," as Palin insists in the introduction to her stupid book, we're doing it because we don't want people to think we're assholes."
"So happy fucking holidays to you, Sarah. I hope you choke on a cinnamon bun."
"Now if you'll excuse me, I have to run some of these Christmas cookies over to the Jews across the street."
This is brilliant work, Mr. Savage! Amen, and happy holidays to you!
Parts that made me laugh!"All this for me—and I wasn't even that good. Translate that into Latin and it could be on the Palin family's coat of arms."
"Here I learn something I didn't know and, if I were Sarah Palin, something I wouldn't want anyone to know. But Sarah hustles this fact to the front of the book because she sure as hell wants us to know it: Sarah surprised Todd with a 'nice, needed, powerful gun' for Christmas in 2012. It was a 'small act of civil disobedience,' Palin writes, prompted by 'the anti-gun chatter coming from Washington.'"
"What was inspiring that anti-gun chatter in Washington in December of 2012? Oh, right: Twenty children and six teachers were shot dead in their classrooms by a deranged asshole with a 'powerful gun.' And before the grieving mothers and fathers of Newtown, Connecticut, could put their dead children in the ground, Sarah Palin ran out gun shopping. Buying Todd a gun in the wake of the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary was 'fun,' Palin writes—and, again, an act of 'civil disobedience.' Because gun nuts are a persecuted minority."
"This paragraph about gun shopping in December of 2012—one first grader at Sandy Hook was shot 11 times—ends with Palin bragging about her tits. I'm not kidding."
"Okay, I have to put the book down. I'm five pages into Good Tidings and Great Joyand... Jesus Fucking Christ... I have got to put down this toxic little shitstain of a book. I'm going to go wash my eyes out with hydrogen peroxide. Be right back."
"There are lots of Americans out there whose religious holidays aren't also national holidays. The country doesn't shut down—and public spaces aren't turned into temples—on Yom Kippur or Diwali or Naw-Ruz. Now, either Jews, Hindus, and Zoroastrians are made of stronger stuff than Sarah Palin... or Sarah Palin is a shit-talking pimp who makes money playing to the carefully cultivated persecution complexes of conservative Christian rubes who wouldn't know what religious persecution was if it sat on their faces and shit in their mouths. (Maybe that's not an either/or.)"
"If centuries of persecution didn't ruin blowjobs for gay people, Sarah, "happy holidays" isn't going to destroy anyone's Christmas."
"Two things:
1. Who holds Christmas in contempt? Who? Where are these people? I'm a secular humanist—there's an award from the Freedom from Religion Foundation on my mantel just inches from my Christmas tree—and here I am, at home on a Saturday morning, baking Christmas cookies for my family. Not holiday cookies. Christmas cookies. I'll be taking some across the street to share with my Jewish neighbors later today. They love Christmas. And no one is trying to "save" Christmas from its heritage. We have a crèche for the baby Jesus and strings of lights for the Roman god Saturn. We honor Christmas's religious heritage—the Christian and non-Christian bits.
2. You read it here first: No Jew—or Muslim or Hindu or Buddhist or atheist—ever performed a kind, loving, or selfless act. Or if a Jew ever did such a thing, that Jew was "empowered" to do so by Christ. Unwittingly inspired. And no human being ever performed a kind, loving, or selfless act before Christ was born."
"Sarah Palin and Bill O'Reilly and Fox News and the Family Research Council and the woman who allegedly punched another woman outside Walmart earlier this week for saying "happy holidays" instead of "merry Christmas" managed to break me of the "merry Christmas" habit. I suspect I'm not alone. This constant bitching from the right about "happy holidays"—a perfectly lovely expression that embraces Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, Pancha Ganapati, New Year's Eve, New Year's Day, Hanukkah, the Epiphany, Saint Nicholas's Day, Hogmanay, Twelfth Night, and Kwanzaa—has made one thing clear. Not that there is now, or ever was, a war on Christmas. But that saying "merry Christmas" is an asshole move. Just as conservatives made patriotism toxic during the Vietnam War by conflating it with blind obedience to authority ("My country, right or wrong!"), modern conservatives have made "merry Christmas" toxic by associating it with Christian fundamentalism, religious intolerance, and the politics of imagined persecution."
Unfortunately, the war on Christmas is a game Palin and O'Reilly and Fox News and the Family Research Council can't lose. The more they complain about people saying "happy holidays" instead of "merry Christmas," the fewer people will say "merry Christmas." This will be held up as proof that the war on Christmas is real. But people like me aren't replacing "merry Christmas" with "happy holidays" to be "politically correct," as Palin insists in the introduction to her stupid book, we're doing it because we don't want people to think we're assholes."
"So happy fucking holidays to you, Sarah. I hope you choke on a cinnamon bun."
"Now if you'll excuse me, I have to run some of these Christmas cookies over to the Jews across the street."
This is brilliant work, Mr. Savage! Amen, and happy holidays to you!
If you want to read another funny review of that douche nozzle of a woman - Sarah "I've got the Rack" Palin... check this one out: http://www.thesuperficial.com/review-sarah-palin-good-tidings-and-great-joy-11-2013
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